“No” is my Favorite Word

Jan 19

No! No! NO! Little ones love to say the word “no.” Whether in disagreements or just for fun, their first word becomes their favorite word. Toddlers become fond of this word and soon enough they say no to everything. There are big emotions inside all of us – and saying “No” holds the most emotions of all.

Here are some ways to help you when your child says “no”:

1. How many times do you say “no”?

• Children hear everything we say. At home, how many times do you say “no” when talking to them? There are alternative ways to disagree with a child such as “that’s not a good decision” or “let’s not do that.” That way children won’t hear the word “no” that often and offer it as their only answer.

2. Empathize with your child

• Try to understand where they coming from when they offer the answer “no.” At times, they use the same answer because they want to disagree with you. But there are also different situations where children may think the opposite. Maybe they don’t know how to express how they’re really feeling and can’t put it into words. Sit down and dig a little deeper: “Why are you feeling this way?”

image of happy child clapping white sitting on books — Image of happy child clapping while sitting on books

3. Don’t react right away

• If your child is repeatably saying “no” don’t react right away. Children are always waiting for us to react to anything they do or say. When they notice you aren’t giving them the reaction they were expecting, saying “no” isn’t as fun. Now, we want to react to them eventually, but pausing and giving yourself time to breathe can change everything. That gap in reacting can impact the situation and your children’s response as well.

4. Say “yes” sometimes

• As I mentioned in the first bullet point, children get used to hearing the word “no” very often. What would happen if we said the word “yes” sometimes? This response would be for rational questions such as: “Can we have play outside for a while?” or “can we read two bedtime stories instead of one?” Sometimes we must be reasonable and choose our battles. Saying “yes” at times can do no harm and give us some peace of mind.

Each child is unique, while these techniques may work for some, they may not work for all. You know your child best and understanding their personality and way of thinking is different for each parent.